The 12 Tenets Of Kifflom
1. The world is 157 years old - FACT!
2. Dinosaurs are a lie that people believe because they are weak - FACT!
3. You are happy, you just don’t know it - FACT!
4. We all come from the same tree - FACT!
5. Everyone is related to everyone else, except for people with red hair - FACT!
6. Sperm does not exist - it is a lie spread by biology teachers - along with everything else you have ever been told - FACT!
7. Men are supposed to lie with nine new partners a week. Women are supposed to lie with six, except for in July, when they must lie with five men a day - FACT!
8. Aliens exist and are present on earth. If you have a birth mark, you may be descended from Kraff, the famous Emperor of the 4th Paradigm - FACT!
9. Trees talk, but only some people hear them - FACT!
10. People who believe in something live much longer than atheists, and they have eternal life thrown in for good measure - FACT!
11. If you believe this and turn your hands and wallet over to EPSILONISM, you’ll live a happy life. Otherwise you are doomed - FACT!
12. KIFFLOM - HAPPINESS IS YOURS! KIFFLOM!
The 12 Goals of Epsilonism
I. We are making an assault on happiness.
II. We will be generous, in ways that are upwards and ways that are manifest.
III. We will live by the proven scientific truth of the metaphors.
IV. We will fight superstition, limited thinking and dogma wherever we find it.
V. We will be clear thinking, independent minded and do exactly what we are told.
VI. We will practice science by not doubting.
VII. We will display infinite power by closing out those with doubt with our life choices.
VIII. We will practice kindness and mercy by a relentless assault on insavables, always reminding them of what awaits.
IX. We will be everywhere, all at once, but also right here, right now.
X. We will invest in a structured study program, because we know that knowledge is not free.
XI. We will be open minded to new experiences apart from those that are wrong, insavable, or against teachings.
XII. We will promote epsilonism in everything we do, while we await both the writing of the tract and the ending of the 9th paradigm.
The Epsilonist Pledge
All good things come from Kraff, that is the fact on which Epsilonism is built.
Epsilonism is a science as well as a Religion - in fact, we are the only religion that is also a science and which is concerned with seeking the truth.
As real truth seekers, we are willing to pay to make the search go better. In this way we are investing in our future.
The Pledge will continue to be revealed in due time. KIFFLOM.